sad tradgic faces
by jodii bliss
Summary: Jace reflects on his feelings for clary, soon to be lemons
1. Chapter 1

_Haven't written an ages..HOWEVER -_

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Life is a blur and you try and catch the moments that you can. Even while it all seems to crumble, even when you've cried yourselves to no tears, and all that's left is a bitter metallic taste of what once was.

_Clary, My dear, my Clary..._

I have worn out her name in my own thought, I had chased her away, only to feel myself wanting to get closer and closer to what could never be my own. Cruel irony, I never yet expiernced such a fate until I glanced upon that tumble weed of fire hair and eyes greener and more alluring then any emerald.

_"I thought I heard the door open, oh, i thought I heard the door open but I only heard it close..."_

Slumped against the wall...I didn't know what alley I was going to pass out in...I had went up with the bottle...Never even knowing I had this fedish for red wine all the while, trying to escape the ghosts in these walls that crawl brutally through my ears and rest snuggly in the deepest crevices of my cerebrum.

This was it, I was a drunken bastard, wild eyed in the middle of an alley, I had fallen down, i didn't intend on getting back up...

_"I think I saw you in my sleep, lover, I think i saw you in my dreams you were stictching up the sems on every mangled promise that your body couldn't keep"_

I realized now that it had started to rain, I felt my mouth curl up into a smile, perhaps I could cleanse myself of this sin and be just what Clary wanted and needed me to be...

A brother.

I shivered. A brother. A brother. A brother. The thought itself tasted rather ugly in my mouth. Siblings were not meant to feel this way, not with this kind of love. And Oh, how I loved desperatley, always, in the wrong way.

I could only hope that she was now sleeping, sleeping off the pain... The pain I had just intentionally caused, to my own bitter destruction.

Was that really all you could do at the end of the day? Paint sad tradgic faces curling up the alley walls, tucking yourself within an inward ball hoping that somewhere surley far away a green eyed girl is hearing these declarations of love in her dreams.

She had to know how he felt, but he knew she didn't, he could remember her voice squeak when she asked him if she hated her as much as she thought.  
he had saved her, she had saved HIM in every way a person can be saved, he had once held her in his arms and ignored the burning sensation to kiss her roughly...and instead placed soft butterfly kisses on her forehead...temple...feeling those small hands within his own.

Why could they not always be like that? Expect for once in a blue Moon?

He gulped - Once in a lifetime is more like it.  
And after he had kissed her feverishly that day in Idris, he had again too fucked it up by using his inner demons as a reason for his burning desires.

...However, she was angel, a beautiful angel, and she had kissed me back...

And as Jace Wayland...slowly lost consciousness, slumped against a wooden fence in a flowery indentation of the rocky pathway, he dreamed of an ocean... With a setting sun and a beautiful kind companion sitting silently on the sea shore beside him...

Even in his dreams he regongnized those small hands.

"_Stay with me_" She murmured..

Oh how he wanted too, but his brain told him to run from this girl who would surley be the end of him, but his heart cried out for her...And his heart would always win when it came to Clary.

But as he opened his mouth to tell her these words that he had held so long inside him...He saw her sinking within the ocean waves, the brutal massive, ever powering waves, he tried despertley but with no avail to over power them and bring her back to him, but she sank deeper and deeper and the waves got stronger and stronger

Falling to his knees, forever to wait for his darling,

He awoke.

With a small, tender hand in his...

"Jace!" And I'd know that voice in any dimension of time. The voice of home, the voice of my Clary.

"Clary" I asked in utter bewildement " How did you find me?"

"Magnus helped...Izzy was worried when she saw how you left from the institute..So was I" She blushed slightly then frowned " You smell like pure alchohol"

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**Clary's point of view.**

The alley Magnus lead me too was beautiful, flowers bloomed all along the wooden fences and the narrow rocky path reminded me of a garden my mother use to take me to, to play in as a child.

It seemed virtually deserted, besides for the two pair of legs protruding from a small indentation in on the walls. I almost ran to him, only wanting to envelope him fully in my arms.

_"Clary, ...You should just stay away from here. Your not good for me, ...We're not good for each other. We'll only ruin what little we have left"_

His words from the night before echoed in her head like a large knife jabbing through her heart. But right now that was besides the point.

All that mattered was this beautiful boy infront of her.

Absent mindedly, I reached for his hand and watched his eyes break open slowly wondering what he would have been dreaming about and if it had anything to do with me.

Silly.

"Jace!" I whispered.

And he smiled, he smiled in a way that made me fall deeper and deeper in love with him. Those smiles I knew were only reserved for me.


	2. lyrics

Wanted to share these beautiful lyrics with you cats  
i find it to apply mcuh with this story

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_I think I saw you in my sleep, darling,_  
_I think I saw you in my dreams you were_  
_Stitching up the seams on every broken promise_  
_That your body couldn't keep._  
_I think I saw you in my sleep._

_I thought I heard the door open, oh no,_  
_I thought I heard the door open but_  
_I only heard it close._

_I thought I heard a plane crashing, but_  
_Now I think it was your passion snapping._

_I think you saw me confronting my fear, it_  
_Went up with a bottle and went down with the beer and_  
_I think you ought to stay away from here_  
_There are ghosts in the walls and they_  
_Crawl in your head through your ear._

_I think I saw you in my sleep, lover,_  
_I think I saw you in my dreams you were_  
_Stitching up the seams on every mangled promise_  
_That your body couldn't keep._  
_I think I saw you in my sleep_


	3. Chapter 3

Jace was in a daze, his head hurt his body hurt, he was bloody and forlorn. But he could ditinctly make out Clary's figure through the large mass of Shadowhunters surrounding her and Jocelyn asking questions staring gaped mouthed and some even in disbelief when Clary made out the words "Lilith" (the great demon out for the rebirth of Sebastion) and Jocelyn froze and turned icy white when the name "Jonathan or Sebastian" was mentioned.

Clary's face looked tired. Always beautiful. Her wide eyes - cat like- prawling through many forms of Downworlders, humans, Shadowhunters, Magnus, Alec until they came to rest on Jace. He smiled thinking to himself she was looking for him. Jace took this breif moment as he watched her intently approach him to look at Clarys face. So wrapped up in this endless cycle of brutal thoughts, scars and fear he had forgotten these subtle magnificent angles to her face. Her tiny, delicate nose her strong jaw but soft cheeks that were now glowing in pink...those copper green eyes, large and curious. Tumbleweed of long firey hair just below her hips, the small laugh lines on the sides of her mouth from her usual fits of giggles and smiles, the two freckles that danced near her hair line and right eye. _Too beautiful _Jace thought...

This was all he notcied not her tattered, bloody clothing or the bruises or cuts or the darkness engulfing the bottom of her eyes.

"How are you feeling?" She asked softly, her voice barley an octive above his silence. The way she spoke when she was unsure of his response when she was afraid if he'd snap or surprise her with a few lovely words or a gentle kiss or caress. Jace was used to punishing himself noone had ever bothered him for doing so. Most were wise enough to let him be. But Clary wasn't most people. She was just as stubborn as Jace and when he didn't answer she sat down beside him and grabbed his hand. Feeling the warmth she almost wanted to close her eyes and just sleep. She finally felt comfy and safe enough to knock out. Silly she thought clean in a bed she would toss and turn for hours alone with her thoughts. But here in the middle of a cold, crowded room in dirty bloody clothing sitting against a hard wall she could feel herself drifting into a more relaxed sensation then she had in weeks.

...

Clary awoke to the rising and falling of Jace's chest. They were back at the institue and she smiled in the darkness happily alone in a dark room with just Jace. _No need to pretend now_. She looked at his face and she wondered vaguely what he was dreaming. If his nightmares were gone, he seemed peaceful enough. Rather he looked like an infant sleeping. Vuldrable but with every fiber in your being wanting to protect and love this gentle beautiful creature.

Clary kissed him softly on the lips and Jace ... not yet fully asleep smiled, smiled at her lips, at the feel of her stare. He wrapped both his arms around her and brought her in as close as she he could. Still not enough, he dug his face into the crook of her neck leaving small butterfly kisses along the way.

Her body was soft and warm, but it gave him delightful shivers.

He swiftly picked her up and went on top of her. Jace's lips were now soft, tender, ... But still eager on hers, Clary insitictively moved her body against his and was rewarded with a soft moan and a harder kisses more urgent and he picked her up and placed her easily on top of him the torn up dress of hers didn't leave much to the imagination and Jace was almost feining for her to be completley clean of clothes. Clary felt his hands roam from her hair to her neck down her arms up her waist and to gently pull down the straps of her dress revealing a lace bra and the smooth skin of her stomach. Jace's shirt was already off Clary's hands were exploring his body wanting to soak up every curve, muscle, ..scar and mark. Till they came to rest of the back of his neck...

No time to think of consequences or to control himself. Jace finally for so long long didn't feel haunted. Valentine didn't matter, Lilith was dead, his nightmares gone those memories faded like looking through the smog of smoke.

Suddenly Clary giggled, her smile bright, he realized how much then he loved to see her laugh. She was as innocent as a child...

He smiled up at her and to an outsider this moment would have been too private to glance upon even if they were fully dressed.

"Did you really think i left when you asked me to? With Lilith i mean" Clary demanded suddenly.

"I hoped so, Clary what she did ...to have to watch that. I wish you would have" Jace's mind flashed back to the few brutal seconds Lilith tortured Clary, the way she lifted her body and suddenly there were screams and the writh of her tiny frame as the great demon caused pain he couldn't see... Couldn't help, the flashes of blood pouring out from Clary's stomach..arms...legs.

"Rather me then you"

Abruptly Jace's face was furious.

"What? Clary you've barley had expiernce with demons let alone greater demons" His hands traced around the smooth skin of her body "see? your body, your mind, the trust and love you still give to everyone? Thats good. Pure is good. I don't want you risking yourself for me. Ever."

Clary's frown deepend as he talked. "You said you wanted me to be a hunter"

"No. but i didn't protest, it's not my desicion to choose i don't want to control you and i know you'd do it either way even if i did everything in my power to make it impossible for you. But i just thought this wouldn't hurt a lot. I guess not"

"Well your right. I would still do this, I' am still going to do it. But when it comes to fighting you can't protect me like a porcelain doll and tell me to run away. How can i run away from you? Just leave you? Would you do that if the tables were turned? If you were in my place just leave me to fend for yourself? Of course you wouldn't. You can't ask me to do that"

Jace understood but being stubborn he refused to say anything

"Ha!" Clary said in triumph "Double standerd"

Jace made a small noise that Clary only understood as exasperation "I think I love you too much Clarrisa Fray"

Her lips turned upward into a soft smile "I love you Jace Wayland...Lightwood. Whatever"

And they kissed and touched and loved until the early morning light.


End file.
